Thirty-Six: Showered With Love

This week was gone as quick as it came.

At the beginning of the week, I was so terribly exhausted that I sort of just floated about the world in a languid fashion. If I made it to class, it was only in body. And I had so much to do. The sincere inability to sleep throughout the week probably was to blame. I am certain that this week was the worst for sleep that I've had thus far. 

Friday, we had our last Centering appointment. It was a bitter-sweet thing. I absolutely love to go to these appointments. I truly can't imagine a more effective and tender way to experience prenatal care. At the same time, I'm ready for our baby. So Friday, after class, I had begun to get ready for our appointment. When I got out of the shower, I felt oddly light-headed and nauseated. I sat down for a moment and then I started to feel some unfamiliar cramp-like pains in my stomach. I haven't experienced such a thing during my pregnancy, and certainly no nausea since the second trimester, so you can imagine I was concerned. I tried to lay down some, but it was no help. I didn't think that I was in labor, but I didn't feel right. After an hour or so, I decided to call and see if I could come for an earlier appointment. After waiting much longer than anticipated, we finally were called back. One of the midwives did the Strep B test (which I needed to have done anyway) and then checked to make sure everything was okay. She said that everything seemed fine and more than likely, it was just something I ate that had upset my stomach. She also said that our baby was dropped down into my pelvis (which is good) and that she had a nice round head, and let's just say she didn't do a sonogram to figure that out...yeah. So then we went to Centering. We had three people come speak to us including a mother who spoke on cloth diapering, a fire rescue squad member on properly installing carseats, and another mother on baby wearing. And then, just like that, we were finished. I'm a little sad, because I'm not sure I'll see all of the girls again, and we've kinda been going through this thing together this whole time. And since our daughter may be delivered by any of the midwives, I'm not sure when we'll see Mary (our instructor/midwife) again and she's been with us every step of the way. I am so grateful for the Centering program and the dedication, love, and support from Mary. We have learned and experienced things that we wouldn't have from typical appointments or books.

So from here on out, we are week-to-week appointments. The final stretch.

And then Saturday. Our baby shower was wonderful. We decided to do a "co-ed" baby shower because a) We don't discriminate b) I think that men should be more involved. Why complain about fathers not being as involved in parenting when we don't include them in baby showers, and all the pregnancy journals are targeted primarily and almost exclusively towards mothers and diaper bags and most of those products are mostly feminine and c) I just figured it'd be more fun to have Jordan there too along with our guy friends. So anyways, it was fun. I always feel awkward at events in which I'm the one being recognized (like our wedding, reception, and so on). I also feel strange receiving a bunch of gifts. I don't know. But really, I truly truly truly appreciate our friends and family who took time and/or effort to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our first child with us. It meant a lot to us and we are grateful. I also am beyond grateful for the stress, time, money, etc. etc. that my mom spent trying to make the day so special for us. I feel loved and blessed.

So now, at the end of week thirty-six, all that's really left to do is have our baby.

Easier said than done right?

Mobile from Baby S's Great Grandma Rose

Thirty-Five: Where the Heart Is

On Friday, March 8th at around 5:40 in the evening, it sounded just like the Spring time outside my window- and my heart became a little lighter and a little fuller and the world felt perfect in that moment- so perfect, that it could've lasted forever, and I'd be okay with it

So this week was Spring Break, and by Spring Break I mean a foot of snow and a day without electricity. So as you may have concluded, we were not somewhere warm on a boat or a beach. We were here in town on a wild house hunt.

This week, many sleepless nights were spent trying to organize my thoughts on where we are going to live and how to afford it. Fortunately, Jordan and I have done a fairly excellent job at saving money and living frugally. With that being said, there is a difference between what we can afford and what we can afford while still being able to save money. So with this in mind, we spent the week frantically searching. On Saturday, due to my anxious manner, we drove up and down the streets of Buena Vista searching for "For Rent" signs. I know that we don't need to move until May, but I also know that finding a place now, before we have a newborn, is much more sensible. Now I won't bore you with the endless details, but basically, something fell right into our laps. Something that was exactly what we needed. And truly, I didn't deserve it this day. I was irritable and grumpy and just all together ungrateful. It was pretty humbling to find somewhere so right for us, when I had been complaining all day. I felt like a total idiot. I should've known that God wasn't going to leave me hanging. He hasn't yet and I should've remembered that. So we found a home. A home that we can afford, while still being able to save money. A home that is perfect for where we're at right now- and really, that's all we needed.

So after this burden was lifted, I was able to relax a little more- well, mentally. Sleep has evaded me, and I hear that's sorta how the last weeks go. I am really exhausted, but I'm trying to do what I gotta do to finish the semester and be ready to be someone's mom.

Thirty-Four: Big Body and the Busy Bodies

Sometimes, you just have to cut the elastic on both sides of your glittery Christmas socks with a pocketknife while sitting on a barstool in a bowling alley so that your feet don't lose circulation and fall off. Because you're pregnant and now the [not] proud owner of a pair of cankles. Sometimes you can't fit a ringpop on any finger other than your pinky. Welcome to week thirty-four.

As of now, we officially have a crib for Baby S to sleep in. We have a diaper bag and a bag for Jordan and I semi-packed and ready to go for the hospital. Furniture is rearranged so that there's room for baby stuff and most of our apartment is packed up so that moving will be easier once Baby S is here. We are almost ready for D-Day, almost.

For the past couple of nights, I've woken up in the middle of the night with the worst charley horse of all time. Apparently that's a thing when you're pregnant. Other than that horror, things have been mostly stickin' to the usual. I feel a little more fat, a little less comfortable, and a lot more exhausted. But you know what? I'm doing pretty well in my classes and I feel good about that. I've missed very few classes for someone who is barely getting any sleep and in constant discomfort, so yeah- I'm proud of myself. I think the toughest part of right now is just not knowing when she'll be born. The good news is, Mom and Dad Sorensen have their plane tickets and will be here April 20th. We are absolutely thrilled, not only because it'll be great to spend time with them, but because that means that there really is a baby coming. 

When I think about seeing her and holding her for the first time I just want to cry. I can't even imagine what I will feel. I already feel so much. Of course I'm scared of contractions and labor and all of that, but I just can't wait for it to happen because then I'll know that she will really be here. I am so overwhelmed by the thought of it. We just love her so much. It's a strange, strange thing.

This week, we had our second-to-last Centering appointment (and after that, we will have weekly appointments). It's crazy. I was glad to see that within the past two weeks (since our last appointment), I've gained zero pounds. ZERO. So to everyone who has made "you're so big", "are you sure you're not having twins", "wow, how much have you gained", etc. comments- As of now, I have gained the recommended amount of weight for someone of my original weight and height. So thanks for the inappropriate, unsolicited, and hurtful comments, but I actually am measuring exactly where I need to be.

Which brings me to this- Never in my life have I received so much unsolicited and needless advice. Here's the thing- This is my body and my baby and quite frankly, I have a wonderful midwife with whom I can converse if I have any questions. I understand that most of the time, people are just trying to help, but if I need it, I'll seek it. And I do. I have awesome friends and family that have experienced childbirth and those are the people I want to discuss such personal matters with. I just have been overwhelmed lately with the comments and advice. Sometimes the comments and advice are kind and supportive, but more than often, they are condescending, belittling, and invasive. There's a huge difference between being caring and being curious.

There are so many decisions to be made during and after pregnancy, but we will figure out what is best for our family. I've done my reading, research, and what not- I got it covered.

We are really ready. We are ready to meet our daughter. I can't wait for her to see that she isn't alone- that there are people who are waiting for her, people who love her.

Thirty-Three: Lucky Number 7

Seven weeks to go and still a lot to do. This week, we set up the crib. This is real life people. Pretty soon, there'll be a baby in that crib. And I still don't know if I'm a grown up yet. You know, I think I get it a little though, you know, being a parent. We assume as children that our parents have it all figured out. From the moment we are born, we trust them to tell us what's right and wrong and to know how to fix it all. And most of the times they do maybe, but sometimes they don't- and then we get older and maybe we blame them for this or that or whatever, but you know, it's not like you wake up and just become this perfect person and always know what to do and the best way to go about it. It doesn't work that way. But the thing is- the heart of the matter- is that we try. Because babies are born into this world and are so pure that it almost seems like they shouldn't even be here, and they need us to try to figure it out for them- to make it a little easier and a little less heartbreaking. And when I think about this, I want to cry for all the children whose parents didn't try. Because here's the thing- Jordan and I are probably going to make mistakes as parents, I know that. But I also know that every decision I make, I'm going to try to know what's going to make this life here the best it can be for our children. And I'm going to love them always and in a way that I won't even understand. And when I think about it this way, I understand my childhood a little better.

So here I am now, just trying to figure it out a little more before she's really here. Between the lack of sleep and the cankles and the racing thoughts of what needs to get done, I'm just trying to be a little more aware that this isn't about me. That I won't be here one day, but my children will, and then their children and their children and their children- and I need to know what to do to make this world a little bit better for them. Because it really doesn't take much, but I think you've got to be aware of it. Aware of the difference that love makes, because it does. It always does.

What a hot dad

Thirty-Two: Head Over Heels

On Sunday, Grandpa Sorensen passed away. Although you're never ready to lose someone you love, it's comforting to know that he's no longer uncomfortable or in pain. I won't say much more, due to the personal and sacred nature of losing a family member, but I will say that Jordan and I can look at his family and see all that his Grandfather and Grandmother have accomplished together and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

___

So, they say you become more clumsy while pregnant.

During this week, I have fumbled and stumbled with everything that my fingers have touched. I spilled half a gallon of grape juice on the counter and floor, knocked an open water bottle over a time or two, my cleavage has caught more crumbs than *Jerry Rice has caught passes, and I almost side swiped a parked car while dusting off a Little Debbie cake that I dropped onto my lap while driving. Other baby mama problems this week include terrible short term memory and the inability to get up from any position other than standing. I'm out of breath and the baby's out of room. Her kicks and rolls have gotten especially poignant and much more often. I think she threw her sleep schedule out the window, because she's been on the move all day and night.

Baby Shower invitations are ready to go and would have, were it not for President's Day. Newborn and  0-3 months baby clothes are washed and folded, diaper bag is almost ready for D-Day, and we've begun rearranging so that we can fit a crib into this little apartment. Pretty much, we are just gettin' it together from here on out. I am in desperate need of finishing my birthing books and Spring Break couldn't come soon enough.

Things are getting along just fine. We are trying to enjoy this time now and not hope too much for the last several weeks to go by so quickly. It's tough, but one day this little girl will be an adult and I'll wish it was this time again. I hope that I can do the best I can now, 'cause now is what I've got.

One day, we'll show our daughter pictures of Grandpa Sorensen and she'll be able to understand how her family came to be. That's what it's about you know?

You've got to leave that when you go- people who love you and who know why you were here.

*I asked Jordan for a football player who catches the ball a lot. He said Jerry Rice.

Thirty-One: Single Digits

Where to start? 

First off, the count-down in weeks is finally in the single digits. Single digits.

This week, I might as well had been on Mars. After studying for two exams that I had on the same day and trying to take care of a bazillion other little things, my brain has probably left me for another woman. On a positive note, I got a lot done. On an even more positive note, Jordan created a beautiful tree picture for me (I've got a thing for trees) and my Christmas cactus has finally bloomed a big fat beautiful pink flower (only two months late). 

Baby S has been really active this week. Apparently neither of us are getting much sleep these days. Whenever someone tells me "You think you can't sleep now? Wait 'til you have the baby", I wonder if they've ever been pregnant. I wake up almost every hour- whether to pee, or because I've peed so much that now I'm thirsty, or whatever it is- I wake up.

Also, I legitimately think I swallowed Charizard. Tums just aren't cuttin' it these days. I think of all pregnancy symptoms, heartburn and acid indigestion have been the most prominent for me. That's alright by me though, because there are far worse symptoms out there and other than that, I've had a pretty easy pregnancy. 

My only concern right now is trying to keep up with the reading for classes, as well as the reading for the baby. I really want to finish all of the books I have about birth and what not, but I'm struggling to find the time to do so. I do feel mostly prepared. I really appreciate all of what I've read so far. 

So although it has been overwhelming, we've accomplished a lot of to-do's this week. We are taking care of all that we can do now and preparing for the arrival of our little girl into this world. 

Thirty: No really, THIRTY

Bam. Thirty weeks, just like that.

I remember how far away this point seemed, and it comforts me. A mere ten weeks to go, assuming that Baby Sorensen is punctual (which is unrealistic given that Jordan and I are her parents).

Things that have been on my mind lately include figuring out a baby shower date, planning for maternity photos, double fudge chocolate chip cookie dough blizzards from dairy queen, and cleaning up/packing up our apartment (or what they call "nesting"). I also have started a daily regimen of consuming red raspberry leaf tea and going on a three mile walk which, once my legs remember what walking is again, will become a five mile walk. I also have begun a mini workout that only takes a quarter of an hour.

This week has been somewhat tear-filled with overwhelming thoughts of passing classes and preparing to/having a baby, especially when every pregnant woman under the sun gave birth this week. Sorta makes you realize that this is going to happen. Because you know, sometimes you just forget you're pregnant...such as when you're brushing your teeth and you go to spit in the sink, but instead spit directly onto your belly because it is literally obstructing visual and physical access into the sink. But really, sometimes you just forget. You forget that you aren't just a giant globe, but that there really is a baby in there, that has to be born.

So here I am. Just sorting through my mind and trying to get my thoughts in order so that I can do what I gotta do to successfully finish the semester while successfully becoming a mother.

Jordan is great support, he's never missed an appointment and he lets me cry every now and then about real things and nothing.

Ten weeks. We can do this.