Thirty-Three: Lucky Number 7

Seven weeks to go and still a lot to do. This week, we set up the crib. This is real life people. Pretty soon, there'll be a baby in that crib. And I still don't know if I'm a grown up yet. You know, I think I get it a little though, you know, being a parent. We assume as children that our parents have it all figured out. From the moment we are born, we trust them to tell us what's right and wrong and to know how to fix it all. And most of the times they do maybe, but sometimes they don't- and then we get older and maybe we blame them for this or that or whatever, but you know, it's not like you wake up and just become this perfect person and always know what to do and the best way to go about it. It doesn't work that way. But the thing is- the heart of the matter- is that we try. Because babies are born into this world and are so pure that it almost seems like they shouldn't even be here, and they need us to try to figure it out for them- to make it a little easier and a little less heartbreaking. And when I think about this, I want to cry for all the children whose parents didn't try. Because here's the thing- Jordan and I are probably going to make mistakes as parents, I know that. But I also know that every decision I make, I'm going to try to know what's going to make this life here the best it can be for our children. And I'm going to love them always and in a way that I won't even understand. And when I think about it this way, I understand my childhood a little better.

So here I am now, just trying to figure it out a little more before she's really here. Between the lack of sleep and the cankles and the racing thoughts of what needs to get done, I'm just trying to be a little more aware that this isn't about me. That I won't be here one day, but my children will, and then their children and their children and their children- and I need to know what to do to make this world a little bit better for them. Because it really doesn't take much, but I think you've got to be aware of it. Aware of the difference that love makes, because it does. It always does.

What a hot dad