Thirty-Seven: Belly Full

Here we are. Both full-term and full-load.

With three exams this week, I was able to keep myself fairly occupied, so the week went by quickly. Friday, we had our first "week-to-week" appointment. My Strep B test was negative, so of course that was good news (not that I really understand what Strep B is). I expected some kind of cervical exam, basically one of the super personal kind to tell if I had any progress, but not this time. It was by far the quickest appointment we have ever had during our pregnancy. Since we've met all of the midwives minus one, so we scheduled our next appointment with her.

Saturday, I met my mom in Roanoke to shop for all the last minute baby items. There are few things I less than shopping, especially at the mall, and even more especially pregnant. Mostly, I got what I needed, but at the price of my feet's comfort. By the end of the evening, I considered a wheelchair. Going along with that, let me list you several items worth the money while pregnant and items that are not. (Here's my unsolicited advice for you):

Worth the $

• Comfortable shoes- I would recommend one casual pair and one dressy. By dressy, I don't mean heels- unless, that is, you are a complete idiot. But seriously, spend a little extra here. The only pair I've bought while pregnant was from Walmart a week ago- I'm an idiot.
•  Maternity pillow- You don't have to buy the most expensive one out there, but you do absolutely need one. I have two which I sometimes use interchangeably or together. Totally worth it. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all without one.
• A good bra- I didn't, but you should. I just now finally bought a couple of sports bra type bras, but they are a little more comfortable. The past couple of months, my boobs have hated me. Don't make your boobs the enemy. 
• Maternity tank tops- Just two to three. And just tank tops and if you're wise, in neutral colors. They are longer and stretchier than regular tank tops and they can expand your pregnancy wardrobe by adding length to regular shirts.

Don't bother

• Maternity clothes- Goodwill it. I bought a few actual maternity items from Old Navy and Motherhood. They were super expensive and I grew out of them in just a couple of months or even less. At some point, I grew a brain and started going to Goodwill like once a week. You can find some really cute stuff and you are saving so much money. I even found some maternity clothes at Goodwill that were name brand and really nice. You will grow and grow and grow until the baby's born so there is absolutely no point in spending a bunch'a money on maternity clothes from department stores. And honestly, if you can- don't bother with jeans. Leggings and dresses are essential if you want to be comfortable.

That's all I got for ya now, but seriously, this is pretty valid advice. 

Well week thirty-seven was short but well-lived. I have waited so long to say that I'm full-term, and now that I can, it is all too surreal. Sometimes I'm just hanging out and thinking thoughts and then suddenly it really hits me- like right in my heart, so heavy I can feel it- that any day now, I can become a mother, that I will be one. That I will be the most responsible person in the entire world for this little person's life. And I just cannot fathom it. I can't really believe such a thing, because it is the most powerful, wonderful, intimidating, beautiful thing I can imagine. But it will be real. I don't know what to say. It is too profound for words really. 

So as I sit here, at 2:40 a.m. with heartburn, acid indigestion, puffy legs, swollen feet, and insomnia, I try to remember that soon enough, I will never just be me again. I'll be a mother. And I will never be pregnant for the first time with my first baby again. There will be no other experience just like this one. So I have to remember that. Even when it takes a fifteen-step process to roll to my other side and even when I wake up to pee at 7:00 a.m. and can't fall back asleep until 8:50 and have to wake up for class at 9:00, I have to remember that this time, these moments right now, are so precious in the grand scheme of things. I want to always remember that. 

Now here we are at the end of week thirty-seven. I am ready when she is. Even if I won't think so when it's time, I will be. Because I love her and I want to show her this world and how to be happy in it. And I can do that, just because I love her.

So, here we go.

Thirty-Six: Showered With Love

This week was gone as quick as it came.

At the beginning of the week, I was so terribly exhausted that I sort of just floated about the world in a languid fashion. If I made it to class, it was only in body. And I had so much to do. The sincere inability to sleep throughout the week probably was to blame. I am certain that this week was the worst for sleep that I've had thus far. 

Friday, we had our last Centering appointment. It was a bitter-sweet thing. I absolutely love to go to these appointments. I truly can't imagine a more effective and tender way to experience prenatal care. At the same time, I'm ready for our baby. So Friday, after class, I had begun to get ready for our appointment. When I got out of the shower, I felt oddly light-headed and nauseated. I sat down for a moment and then I started to feel some unfamiliar cramp-like pains in my stomach. I haven't experienced such a thing during my pregnancy, and certainly no nausea since the second trimester, so you can imagine I was concerned. I tried to lay down some, but it was no help. I didn't think that I was in labor, but I didn't feel right. After an hour or so, I decided to call and see if I could come for an earlier appointment. After waiting much longer than anticipated, we finally were called back. One of the midwives did the Strep B test (which I needed to have done anyway) and then checked to make sure everything was okay. She said that everything seemed fine and more than likely, it was just something I ate that had upset my stomach. She also said that our baby was dropped down into my pelvis (which is good) and that she had a nice round head, and let's just say she didn't do a sonogram to figure that out...yeah. So then we went to Centering. We had three people come speak to us including a mother who spoke on cloth diapering, a fire rescue squad member on properly installing carseats, and another mother on baby wearing. And then, just like that, we were finished. I'm a little sad, because I'm not sure I'll see all of the girls again, and we've kinda been going through this thing together this whole time. And since our daughter may be delivered by any of the midwives, I'm not sure when we'll see Mary (our instructor/midwife) again and she's been with us every step of the way. I am so grateful for the Centering program and the dedication, love, and support from Mary. We have learned and experienced things that we wouldn't have from typical appointments or books.

So from here on out, we are week-to-week appointments. The final stretch.

And then Saturday. Our baby shower was wonderful. We decided to do a "co-ed" baby shower because a) We don't discriminate b) I think that men should be more involved. Why complain about fathers not being as involved in parenting when we don't include them in baby showers, and all the pregnancy journals are targeted primarily and almost exclusively towards mothers and diaper bags and most of those products are mostly feminine and c) I just figured it'd be more fun to have Jordan there too along with our guy friends. So anyways, it was fun. I always feel awkward at events in which I'm the one being recognized (like our wedding, reception, and so on). I also feel strange receiving a bunch of gifts. I don't know. But really, I truly truly truly appreciate our friends and family who took time and/or effort to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our first child with us. It meant a lot to us and we are grateful. I also am beyond grateful for the stress, time, money, etc. etc. that my mom spent trying to make the day so special for us. I feel loved and blessed.

So now, at the end of week thirty-six, all that's really left to do is have our baby.

Easier said than done right?

Mobile from Baby S's Great Grandma Rose

Thirty-Five: Where the Heart Is

On Friday, March 8th at around 5:40 in the evening, it sounded just like the Spring time outside my window- and my heart became a little lighter and a little fuller and the world felt perfect in that moment- so perfect, that it could've lasted forever, and I'd be okay with it

So this week was Spring Break, and by Spring Break I mean a foot of snow and a day without electricity. So as you may have concluded, we were not somewhere warm on a boat or a beach. We were here in town on a wild house hunt.

This week, many sleepless nights were spent trying to organize my thoughts on where we are going to live and how to afford it. Fortunately, Jordan and I have done a fairly excellent job at saving money and living frugally. With that being said, there is a difference between what we can afford and what we can afford while still being able to save money. So with this in mind, we spent the week frantically searching. On Saturday, due to my anxious manner, we drove up and down the streets of Buena Vista searching for "For Rent" signs. I know that we don't need to move until May, but I also know that finding a place now, before we have a newborn, is much more sensible. Now I won't bore you with the endless details, but basically, something fell right into our laps. Something that was exactly what we needed. And truly, I didn't deserve it this day. I was irritable and grumpy and just all together ungrateful. It was pretty humbling to find somewhere so right for us, when I had been complaining all day. I felt like a total idiot. I should've known that God wasn't going to leave me hanging. He hasn't yet and I should've remembered that. So we found a home. A home that we can afford, while still being able to save money. A home that is perfect for where we're at right now- and really, that's all we needed.

So after this burden was lifted, I was able to relax a little more- well, mentally. Sleep has evaded me, and I hear that's sorta how the last weeks go. I am really exhausted, but I'm trying to do what I gotta do to finish the semester and be ready to be someone's mom.

Thirty-Four: Big Body and the Busy Bodies

Sometimes, you just have to cut the elastic on both sides of your glittery Christmas socks with a pocketknife while sitting on a barstool in a bowling alley so that your feet don't lose circulation and fall off. Because you're pregnant and now the [not] proud owner of a pair of cankles. Sometimes you can't fit a ringpop on any finger other than your pinky. Welcome to week thirty-four.

As of now, we officially have a crib for Baby S to sleep in. We have a diaper bag and a bag for Jordan and I semi-packed and ready to go for the hospital. Furniture is rearranged so that there's room for baby stuff and most of our apartment is packed up so that moving will be easier once Baby S is here. We are almost ready for D-Day, almost.

For the past couple of nights, I've woken up in the middle of the night with the worst charley horse of all time. Apparently that's a thing when you're pregnant. Other than that horror, things have been mostly stickin' to the usual. I feel a little more fat, a little less comfortable, and a lot more exhausted. But you know what? I'm doing pretty well in my classes and I feel good about that. I've missed very few classes for someone who is barely getting any sleep and in constant discomfort, so yeah- I'm proud of myself. I think the toughest part of right now is just not knowing when she'll be born. The good news is, Mom and Dad Sorensen have their plane tickets and will be here April 20th. We are absolutely thrilled, not only because it'll be great to spend time with them, but because that means that there really is a baby coming. 

When I think about seeing her and holding her for the first time I just want to cry. I can't even imagine what I will feel. I already feel so much. Of course I'm scared of contractions and labor and all of that, but I just can't wait for it to happen because then I'll know that she will really be here. I am so overwhelmed by the thought of it. We just love her so much. It's a strange, strange thing.

This week, we had our second-to-last Centering appointment (and after that, we will have weekly appointments). It's crazy. I was glad to see that within the past two weeks (since our last appointment), I've gained zero pounds. ZERO. So to everyone who has made "you're so big", "are you sure you're not having twins", "wow, how much have you gained", etc. comments- As of now, I have gained the recommended amount of weight for someone of my original weight and height. So thanks for the inappropriate, unsolicited, and hurtful comments, but I actually am measuring exactly where I need to be.

Which brings me to this- Never in my life have I received so much unsolicited and needless advice. Here's the thing- This is my body and my baby and quite frankly, I have a wonderful midwife with whom I can converse if I have any questions. I understand that most of the time, people are just trying to help, but if I need it, I'll seek it. And I do. I have awesome friends and family that have experienced childbirth and those are the people I want to discuss such personal matters with. I just have been overwhelmed lately with the comments and advice. Sometimes the comments and advice are kind and supportive, but more than often, they are condescending, belittling, and invasive. There's a huge difference between being caring and being curious.

There are so many decisions to be made during and after pregnancy, but we will figure out what is best for our family. I've done my reading, research, and what not- I got it covered.

We are really ready. We are ready to meet our daughter. I can't wait for her to see that she isn't alone- that there are people who are waiting for her, people who love her.