Sixteen: Bumps in the Bedtime Road

Its the end of week sixteen and I can say that I officially look pregnant.

With that being said, I have also officially worn maternity pants, and I must say it really isn't that bad. Unless I think about the price. After tireless efforts to find a more affordable pair of maternity jeans that fit properly in Old Navy, I swallowed my pride and went to Motherhood. Although pricey, this decision proved to be wise. The saleswoman was very helpful in finding a pair that fit my short child-like legs, but also had enough room for me to grow in. It was pretty funny. They have these fake belly pillow things in the dressing room to try on clothes with to see how they will fit when you are further along. The only thing is that it was super lumpy and misshapen, so it looked ridiculous, but I guess it accomplished its functional purpose.

So along with looking more pregnant comes being more pregnant. In correlation, I am currently incapable of sleeping at night. Between the need to pee constantly and the inability to find a comfortable position, sleeping has become nearly impossible. On the bright side, I guess this is preparation for when Baby S is actually here. The Boppy has proven to be a wise investment.

On another positive note, we have less than two weeks until our next Centering appointment, and then only two more weeks until our next Ultrasound. Cool stuff. Never in my life have I been so excited for visits to the doctor's office until now. I love it. I truly do.

So in light of announcing our pregnancy, several people have asked about names. I am going to make the official public announcement that we are keeping our name choice(s) private until Baby S is born. I don't wish to offend anyone, and its really not to be secretive, we simply just feel that the name we choose for the baby is special to us and we want to hold it close to our hearts until she is born.

I've been thinking and wondering a lot about the baby lately. What she will look like, who she will be. These are just a few of my thoughts and hopes.

• I hope that she will have Jordan's patience. He is so patient and kind, and I think that patience is such a beautiful virtue of love. One of great breadth. It is one that I have yet to learn. 
• I hope that she will have Jordan's sense of charity. Jordan is so selfless, and sometimes I can be intolerant of it, but he is a loyal friend and always giving. I hope that our baby will have as charitable a heart as does her father. 
• I hope that our baby will have my sense of humor. It may sound superficial, but I strongly feel that there are few things which humor cannot cure. I think I'm pretty funny. I hope our baby is too.
• I hope that she will have my confidence. I'm firm in my beliefs and sometimes stubborn, but I have learned over time that I do not have to do things that I am not comfortable with. I don't have to pretend to like something that I don't. I am honest to the bone to myself. I hope that Baby S will always stand her ground when she believes in something. I hope that she can always be true to herself. From Max Ehrmann's Desiderata- "Speak your truth quietly and clearly"

Above all, I hope that she will not ever let the world break her heart. I hope that Baby S will always know that this life is only a small speck in the grand scheme of things and that if she puts her heart in the Lord's hands, it will not ever be broken. I hope that mine and Jordan's love for her will be enough for her to know her worth and never forget it in times of trial or despair.

I guess its just my impatience, but I cannot wait to show that love to her.

Well, unto week seventeen!

Fifteen: Baby Blues

The bird is the word.

After careful thought and the fact that it has become pretty apparent, we decided to publicly announce the news of Baby S. The sweet and loving feedback has been much appreciated, especially that from a few of our good friends. It was really nice to talk about worries and things with a couple of our friends who already have children. This was such a simple comfort since our next doctor's appointment seems so far away. 

Well, far away as in four weeks from our last appointment, which really isn't much at all. The thing is, I've grown reliant on having an appointment every other week since the first one. Apparently that isn't typical. Being able to actually see and hear that the baby is doing fine so often has given me (a natural worrier) much peace, so waiting just a tiny bit longer to have that comfort is tough. I have felt so sad this week and keep scrolling through my calender over and over, just counting the days until our next appointment. Luckily, after that appointment, we will have another one just two weeks after to confirm the gender, so we will get another ultrasound. I know that the time will go by fast, its just that right now it doesn't seem that way. I've cried a lot this week and worry all the time. I just love our baby so much and want her to be safe, healthy, and happy. 

So onto bigger things: pants. At a mere fifteen weeks, I made my first real maternity clothes purchase, including a pair of pants. With the elastic. In a size I wish not to think about. I also purchased several tops and dresses in a size larger than what I expected. I thought I might cry when I looked at the price tags.  The price of the maternity clothes is outrageous, but luckily my grandma helped to pay for them. Initially I had no interest in buying maternity clothes, but after trying on regular clothes, I just knew that those alone would not cut it. Especially with pants.

I know that part of being pregnant means gaining weight, I know that. But when the other pregnant women around you, many of whom are several weeks further along then you, are still barely showing it can be a little disheartening. I honestly think that I look six months pregnant. That is just honestly what I feel. I feel a little embarrassed, and I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I just have to remind myself that my body is making the room needed for Baby S to grow. 

So I am still waiting to feel the first kicks. Sometimes I think I do, but nothing for certain just yet. Hopefully we will get some kick action soon and my worries will be put at ease. As of now, Baby S is the size of an orange, can suck her thumb and sense light. 

Next week is month four, so almost half way there!

Fourteen: Chicken Nuggets and Naps

Based on my consciousness this week, I think I may be able to sleep through all the anxiety and anticipation, through the entire pregnancy, and all the way up until the birth. Ideally, I would like to sleep through the labor as well, but that just isn't realistic.

This week can be summarized as follows: Pizza, Chicken nuggets, sleeping, and teenage tantrums. I woke up from a nap the other day and literally said to Jordan: "What are you looking at?".

On a positive note, I haven't really felt much nausea this week. This is wonderful. A little car-sickness while driving to and from Lynchburg for my watercolor class, but I was driving to and from Lynchburg- so who can blame the little babe? Other good news, I finally am starting to look a little more pregnant and a little less like I've been eating Adele's emotions.

This leads me to my current dilemma: how to avoid buying maternity jeans. Here's the thing, I know most you you reading this are like "Get over it Jess, you usually wear sweatpants, don't act like you care what you look like"- Guys, I know, you are totally right. The thing is, maternity clothing in general costs about double what the regular version of such items would cost. Yes, that flap of spandex above the crotch of the jeans adds an extra twenty dollars to the price. Ridiculous. So, in naive determination, I have decided against buying maternity wear (unless it can be purchased at a reasonable cost), and am going to search for clothing that can be worn after Baby S is born as well. This is like searching for Atlantis, but less plausible. I have no idea how big I will end up getting, so I am not sure what sizes to buy. This is especially difficult in trying to buy a winter coat. Coats are expensive, and buying a maternity coat (if there is such a thing) seems a little ridiculous since right now I am only four months, but by February, I will be about eight months and probably huge. 

So enough about that, let's move on to yesterday's appointment. I had my first Centering appointment, which is a program where you have a group appointment with other women due the same month as yourself, and it is conducted by a midwife. They have you weigh yourself and take your own blood pressure and record it. Its a very hands-on and intimate way to be involved in your own pregnancy, as well as connect with other women who are going through the same experiences as you. It was great. There were five other women and two other husband/boyfriends. For all but one of us, this was our first pregnancy. The midwife Mary, who was so sweet, called us back individually and let us listen to the baby's heartbeat, while the others got to know one another in the main room. When Mary went to get our baby's heartbeat, she found it almost immediately. It was awesome. Hearing our baby's heartbeat is so comforting. After that we sat in a circle and talked about weight gain and nutrition. Jordan and I learned that the baby's lungs are deflated all the way up until she takes her first breath. There was something so spiritual about hearing that, how they come into the world and they just are still and quiet and then suddenly they take that breath and just "come alive".  All the other participants were friendly and fun. I asked about flu shots and one of the midwives said she could do it right after the appointment, which was awesome.

The entire appointment was a great experience and I'm looking forward to the next one in November. I just want to say that Augusta has been absolutely wonderful. The entire staff has been so kind and pleasant. I can't think of a better place to experience our first pregnancy.

So that sums up the fourteenth week. In two weeks we are at four months, and in two months we will be in our third trimester!

Amazing. 

Name tags from first Centering class

Thirteen: Five Fingers

"Hi Mom and Dad"

Well, friday's appointment went absolutely wonderful. This was much better than the previous appointment, where basically my entire blood stream was drained and I was more or less physically assaulted by one of the midwives without warning. No heartbeats, no cute pictures. But Friday's appointment- it was perfect.

First, I met Dr. Thompson, who was everything I wanted him to be based on his picture from the lobby. He wears wire-rimmed glasses and maybe has a lisp. He is the best, and I totally trust him. He politely introduced himself and then read to me my blood results, which were all fine. Then he began the ultrasound for genetic testing. Fortunately for me, this time it was with the belly and the goo (last time, not quite). As soon as he started moving the wand around on my belly, I looked up at the screen, and there it was.

1-2-3-4-5, I counted them. Five perfect little fingers on a perfect little hand. It was amazing. Truly a miracle. The little hand moved and I just knew that everything was okay. It was the most comforting feeling, I just cannot describe it. You hear about the heartbeat and how wonderful it is to hear that for the first time, but for me, it was this hand. Every time I think about seeing that little hand for the first time, I just want to cry. Because I miss the baby already, and I want to watch her all the time. I want to see that she is okay. I want to know that she is comfortable. And that she knows I'll protect her. I just want to hold that little hand.

So, after that, Dr. Thompson moved around the magic wand to show us more proof of our baby and her health. He showed us her heart and we watched it beat, which was probably the second most amazing experience so far. He showed us her brain and explained to us how "this" and "this" showed that there were no signs of spina bifida. He had trouble checking for down syndrome because she was tilting her head in the wrong direction (he even left the room at one point so that I could walk around and try to get the baby to move), but he showed us her nose (which is pointy just like Jordan's) and showed us that there was no sign of down syndrome there. All good news!

Then, as we watched the screen, he typed G-I-R-L. She is a girl! He showed us some lines on the screen which, if parallel with the body, mean that there is a 90% chance our baby is a girl, and those lines appeared pretty parallel. So, even though it looks like Baby Sorensen is a girl, on November 21 we have another sonogram, which be more definitive because I will be 20 weeks along and the sexual organs will be formed. We will be happy either way, but if she is a girl, that will give some weight to my maternal instincts because I've thought she was a girl all along.

So after that, Dr. Thompson just reviewed with us the results which were all good. What a blessing. I have been so nervous and this appointment really eased my mind some. He made us a disk with all the photos from the sonogram, as well as printed several for us.

Then we made the calls. First we called our moms. Then dads, grandma, siblings. I should probably include how when I was on the phone telling Haley, Jordan hit the car in front of us in the McDonald's drive-thru line. Priceless. No damage done, so it was all good. We told family, a few close friends, and a few of Jordan's co-workers. Being able to finally tell people was liberating (only our parents, grandma, and a couple siblings had known prior to this appointment). Not only was it great to finally tell people and share the joy with them, but also because I was/am starting to look just fat unless one is aware I am carrying a peach sized baby around in my belly. So, the news is out for the most part. I haven't made the decision to make it social media official yet, simply because it is just such a private special experience. There are many people who I want to tell who I don't see often enough, so facebook may just be the best option.

So other than that, week thirteen has been mostly typical. Nausea has decreased some, acid indigestion is still present, sleeping is difficult but better because of the Boppy(!), and still as sleepy throughout the day as usual. Had to make a sudden run to the grocery store for prune plum juice the other night, but we won't discuss such matters. On a positive note, I thought I felt a flutter that could perhaps be the baby moving the other night, but I just don't know what it would feel like yet to be sure. Mostly, things have been going well. I am excited for my first group appointment (Centering), which will be next Friday.

I really just stare at my calender all day long with a deep anticipation for all that's to come. I love this baby, and I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful husband with whom I can share these feelings and experiences. Some of these moments, while preparing to be parents, have been the most special for us as husband and wife. I am grateful that our baby will have such a loving father. I am grateful for it all.