Thirty-Three: Lucky Number 7

Seven weeks to go and still a lot to do. This week, we set up the crib. This is real life people. Pretty soon, there'll be a baby in that crib. And I still don't know if I'm a grown up yet. You know, I think I get it a little though, you know, being a parent. We assume as children that our parents have it all figured out. From the moment we are born, we trust them to tell us what's right and wrong and to know how to fix it all. And most of the times they do maybe, but sometimes they don't- and then we get older and maybe we blame them for this or that or whatever, but you know, it's not like you wake up and just become this perfect person and always know what to do and the best way to go about it. It doesn't work that way. But the thing is- the heart of the matter- is that we try. Because babies are born into this world and are so pure that it almost seems like they shouldn't even be here, and they need us to try to figure it out for them- to make it a little easier and a little less heartbreaking. And when I think about this, I want to cry for all the children whose parents didn't try. Because here's the thing- Jordan and I are probably going to make mistakes as parents, I know that. But I also know that every decision I make, I'm going to try to know what's going to make this life here the best it can be for our children. And I'm going to love them always and in a way that I won't even understand. And when I think about it this way, I understand my childhood a little better.

So here I am now, just trying to figure it out a little more before she's really here. Between the lack of sleep and the cankles and the racing thoughts of what needs to get done, I'm just trying to be a little more aware that this isn't about me. That I won't be here one day, but my children will, and then their children and their children and their children- and I need to know what to do to make this world a little bit better for them. Because it really doesn't take much, but I think you've got to be aware of it. Aware of the difference that love makes, because it does. It always does.

What a hot dad

Thirty-Two: Head Over Heels

On Sunday, Grandpa Sorensen passed away. Although you're never ready to lose someone you love, it's comforting to know that he's no longer uncomfortable or in pain. I won't say much more, due to the personal and sacred nature of losing a family member, but I will say that Jordan and I can look at his family and see all that his Grandfather and Grandmother have accomplished together and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

___

So, they say you become more clumsy while pregnant.

During this week, I have fumbled and stumbled with everything that my fingers have touched. I spilled half a gallon of grape juice on the counter and floor, knocked an open water bottle over a time or two, my cleavage has caught more crumbs than *Jerry Rice has caught passes, and I almost side swiped a parked car while dusting off a Little Debbie cake that I dropped onto my lap while driving. Other baby mama problems this week include terrible short term memory and the inability to get up from any position other than standing. I'm out of breath and the baby's out of room. Her kicks and rolls have gotten especially poignant and much more often. I think she threw her sleep schedule out the window, because she's been on the move all day and night.

Baby Shower invitations are ready to go and would have, were it not for President's Day. Newborn and  0-3 months baby clothes are washed and folded, diaper bag is almost ready for D-Day, and we've begun rearranging so that we can fit a crib into this little apartment. Pretty much, we are just gettin' it together from here on out. I am in desperate need of finishing my birthing books and Spring Break couldn't come soon enough.

Things are getting along just fine. We are trying to enjoy this time now and not hope too much for the last several weeks to go by so quickly. It's tough, but one day this little girl will be an adult and I'll wish it was this time again. I hope that I can do the best I can now, 'cause now is what I've got.

One day, we'll show our daughter pictures of Grandpa Sorensen and she'll be able to understand how her family came to be. That's what it's about you know?

You've got to leave that when you go- people who love you and who know why you were here.

*I asked Jordan for a football player who catches the ball a lot. He said Jerry Rice.

Thirty-One: Single Digits

Where to start? 

First off, the count-down in weeks is finally in the single digits. Single digits.

This week, I might as well had been on Mars. After studying for two exams that I had on the same day and trying to take care of a bazillion other little things, my brain has probably left me for another woman. On a positive note, I got a lot done. On an even more positive note, Jordan created a beautiful tree picture for me (I've got a thing for trees) and my Christmas cactus has finally bloomed a big fat beautiful pink flower (only two months late). 

Baby S has been really active this week. Apparently neither of us are getting much sleep these days. Whenever someone tells me "You think you can't sleep now? Wait 'til you have the baby", I wonder if they've ever been pregnant. I wake up almost every hour- whether to pee, or because I've peed so much that now I'm thirsty, or whatever it is- I wake up.

Also, I legitimately think I swallowed Charizard. Tums just aren't cuttin' it these days. I think of all pregnancy symptoms, heartburn and acid indigestion have been the most prominent for me. That's alright by me though, because there are far worse symptoms out there and other than that, I've had a pretty easy pregnancy. 

My only concern right now is trying to keep up with the reading for classes, as well as the reading for the baby. I really want to finish all of the books I have about birth and what not, but I'm struggling to find the time to do so. I do feel mostly prepared. I really appreciate all of what I've read so far. 

So although it has been overwhelming, we've accomplished a lot of to-do's this week. We are taking care of all that we can do now and preparing for the arrival of our little girl into this world. 

Thirty: No really, THIRTY

Bam. Thirty weeks, just like that.

I remember how far away this point seemed, and it comforts me. A mere ten weeks to go, assuming that Baby Sorensen is punctual (which is unrealistic given that Jordan and I are her parents).

Things that have been on my mind lately include figuring out a baby shower date, planning for maternity photos, double fudge chocolate chip cookie dough blizzards from dairy queen, and cleaning up/packing up our apartment (or what they call "nesting"). I also have started a daily regimen of consuming red raspberry leaf tea and going on a three mile walk which, once my legs remember what walking is again, will become a five mile walk. I also have begun a mini workout that only takes a quarter of an hour.

This week has been somewhat tear-filled with overwhelming thoughts of passing classes and preparing to/having a baby, especially when every pregnant woman under the sun gave birth this week. Sorta makes you realize that this is going to happen. Because you know, sometimes you just forget you're pregnant...such as when you're brushing your teeth and you go to spit in the sink, but instead spit directly onto your belly because it is literally obstructing visual and physical access into the sink. But really, sometimes you just forget. You forget that you aren't just a giant globe, but that there really is a baby in there, that has to be born.

So here I am. Just sorting through my mind and trying to get my thoughts in order so that I can do what I gotta do to successfully finish the semester while successfully becoming a mother.

Jordan is great support, he's never missed an appointment and he lets me cry every now and then about real things and nothing.

Ten weeks. We can do this.