One: April Showers Bring May Flowers

On April 4th, my water broke. On May 4th, I had a one month old living, breathing, growing, baby.

The strange thing with having a baby is, never in my life would I have thought that eating, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, or being able to pee would become a luxury. Babies are inconvenient. They don't care that you are a healthy twenty-five year old who is about to poop your pants, they are gonna cry uncontrollably so that you can't lay them down and do your business. They are gonna spit up in your cleavage or pee on your bed and they are going to do it at the most inconvenient time imaginable. They are the Honey Badger and they don't give a bleep. But they are also the most beautiful, perfect, amazing beings this world could ever know. (They also are a pretty good buffer for awkward situations like oh, um, I guess I'll just pretend that I'm checking on my baby in her carseat while I sit here trying to avoid interacting socially with other mature adults). Sunnie is my best friend. She really is.

So if you're curious what Sunnie has been up to one month deep into this jungle we call life, she :

• Still loves "Let it Be" by Paul McCartney. She can be hysterical, but when that song comes on, she becomes completely calm. It was on the playlist I made for her and listened to while pregnant, so perhaps she finds it familiar
• Still looks like dad, but a little like mom also. Well, just her mouth but I'll take what credit I can.
• Likes to lift her head up all the time. She loves to look at the world.
• Went from weighing 6.9 lbs. when she was born to 8.12 lbs. at her one month check-up
• Has learned to appreciate diaper changes 
• Almost only cries after nursing. Acid reflux. The worst. 
• Sleeps the best at night (Thank you!)
• Has lost some of her baby hair. The front. So basically we're working with a baby mullet.
• Loves to stare at faces
• Has grown out of some of her newborn clothes (Oh, my heart)

It was never real to me, that I would be writing about my one month old baby. I just kinda never believed it would happen- even once she was here in flesh and blood- I still just can't believe it. The days, the hours, the minutes, the seconds- they are just melting off and away and I can't seem to hold on closely enough to them. I want so badly to remember every hair, every blink, every breath of her every moment and it frustrates me to the bone knowing that I can't. I just stare at this little tiny girl and cling to her tightly and fear for the day that she is no longer small enough to lay on my chest. When she cries, my heart breaks and when she smiles my heart bursts. She is just one month old and already changing and growing so quickly. There is a love and a truth that I have never known until the moment I heard her first cry and in that moment, that love and truth hit me so hard that I still haven't caught my breath.

She is my Sunshine and she is my moon and my stars and the sky and the air and absolutely everything and all at once and always.